being with a guy who is a few years ahead of me, and has experienced more things than me who is merely taking baby steps into the real world, had me facing stuff i'd never thought i'd encounter.

let's just say, i had to pick up the pieces, mend them and after than accept th fact that he was once broken and yet, i still fall in love with him. if anything i would say, it was never a burden.

it's like a stepping stone, a learning journey, taking another step to get to know him better. but though it used to be so painful, i might have gotten over it, or accepted it.

and yes, i'm referring to the girls who was in his life before me. there were a few, who had captured his heart, whom he once loved. they were the ones who had him smitten, and taught him love. the ones who had once love him, accepted him and brought happiness like i did. the ones who had made him laugh, seen him cry. whom he spend his nights missing, whose hands he once held, whose lips he once kissed. 

there was a time, when we got really honest with each other. revealing each of our past relationships. well, i only had one, so yeah. he had a few. and i cant help but compare myself to those girls. they were prettier, skinnier and probably muchmuch better than me. i spend nights comparing myself to them, convinced myself that no matter how much i tried, i can never leave that much impression on his life as the other girls before me. at times, i wished i was them.

those times, every single time he brought up something from his past relationship, i tears me up inside a little. like how they would do these things together or what they could afford to do for him and things they'd sacrifice. then theres me. me. who had nothing to give up for. i live my days like i don't owe th world anything. i lose as much as i gain. and i keep things that made me happy closer. that is me. and falling in love, wasn't really part of th plan. so pretty much. i have nothing to give except for my loyalty, and; though it sounds cheesy- love. because when i love, i love crazy. but with these awesome girls that was before me in his life, how to i compete?

with all said, look where i am right now.

i overcame it. how? confidence and sincerity. give, without expecting anything back. i tried my best to stop comparing. though sometimes, curiosity killed th cat. i always want to know more about his past, knowing it would hurt me sometimes, i still wna know.

who cares bout th past. we're living today, still together. and everyday, he showered me with all these love than is overwhelming, my heart cant even take in. though sometimes, i see a hint of his painful past as he smiles at me, i'll do what it takes, to take away those painful memories, erase them all, treasure the best ones with him, for him. and love him with all of my soul.

give him happiness, without expecting anything back.

i remember those late nights phonecalls, where we went on and on about our broken past. our history that we weren't proud of. 

how you live through your wildest nights, clueless of why youre doing it, but you do it anyway. 

i'm barely 20. and my wildest nights consists of going to a bar with some close friends and splurge on a few drinks, taking a drag and returning home still sober but tipsy from nicotine and alcohol.

your nights in your past were rebel. nothing like mine. and i started to wonder. what if i met you then?

will my nights get any wasted, as we live every day like it was a crazy party that never ends. will you look at me th same like you look at other girls. will you even fall for a girl like me then? will you take my hand and pulled me into your drunk evenings and fist brawl at midnights. will you love me like you do now.

what if i met you then?

will fate turned it around as i'm that balance you need between wild and tame. will i show you into th deepest of my life, showing you th simple, much better things in life that you could enjoy without being intoxicated. will i even fall for a boy like you. will i replace your barbaric nights to star gazing as we lay next to each other. will i still take your hand and take you to places i always wanted to go to.

what if we met each other then?

will we be witnessing our wildest dreams come true? 

will it be any different?